The unsatisfactory nature of life

A deep restlessness lies within most of us, many of the times. An unsatisfied, inexplicable need lies unaddressed in the core of our being. What is that need? We often are not sure, for it needs a lot of examination to understand the nature of it, and the busyness of life prevents us from looking at it. We chase pleasures in the hope that the experience will fulfil us - in the form of food, relationships, travel, work, hobbies, activism, and yet find each of it is empty in some aspect or the other, leaving us craving for something.

Unconsciously, we are all seeking happiness.

The nature of the seeking is mostly external to begin with - if only my parents could understand me…if only I find a partner… if only my children are… if only a job… if only food… if only money… if only my house…if only everyone stops eating meat…if only society was more just…and so on and so forth.

One who is aware, starts noticing that even on reaching our desired goal, the mind jumps onto the next lack, not allowing for a celebration of what we received or achieved.

The cycle continues from one feeling of lack to another, creating a void within which needs to be fulfilled.

In the pursuit of happiness, we try to avoid any instances of pain and discomfort and often go to great lengths to circumvent or avoid such situations.

One rarely meets an individual who is content with life and satisfied; one who is free of judgments; and free of unhappiness over the circumstances of life. Why is this such a rarity?

What if we could have a life where we enjoy our work so much so that it appears we are not working at all; where we have meaningful relationships free of egotistic pulls; where we relish whatever food is presented to us; to have enough abundance even in monetary poverty; to have the courage to do what we wish to with our time; to have fulfilling, joyous ways of using our time for the benefit of all? What if we could live each moment, complete in itself, without any regret or fear of death and loss?

What if to figure out how to life a satisfactory life, we had to deep dive into our own selves?

Would we keep aside the time to embark on such a journey? Or will we still stay busy with the meaningless actives which made us restless in the first place? Or will we continue to wait for something that fulfils us, seeking it in the impermanent fleeting nature of the outside ever changing world?

Deep down, we know what we seek, for we do find those moments of completion, in the here and there.

Moments free of thought, of identity, of notions, of beliefs, of judgements. Moments where you are in the here and now completely, with no memories of the past or imaginations of the future. Often it happens when we are in nature such as when we are watching a sunrise, or when we are in the company of a non-judgemental being, like when we are playing with a child, or when we are engrossed in something which occupies our mind fully, such as listening to music or engaging in some creative work. These moments may be so fleeting, we may not register it, and yet it leaves an essence of the memory of where we come from. Sometimes we may recognise it, and want to stay in that state of mind, but soon find our mind has sucked us into its' stories.

It is not easy to get to a state of being okay with anything that life throws at us, but every step we take in that direction brings us closer to true happiness, which is not related to external experiences or situations. It is a long walk, needing constant balance, full of pitfalls and hurdles. But is that adventure worth it? I would think so.

COMING HOME

As a child I waited

for a cake

for no homework

for exams to get over

for mom to come home

for a gift in a wrapper

for a new cycle

for a new dress

for purple stones

for friends to play with

As a teen I waited

For party invites

For movie releases

For my results

For that love note

For my college to end

for the first job

for the walk in the rain

for the books new

for a bike

As an adult I waited

For Friday night

For the child to go to bed

For the promotion due

For the house by the beach

For the vacation

the mountains to climb

for the fast car

for new wisdom

for the world to change

All my life I waited

For what ,I did not know

Emptiness needed filling

How, I did not know

Dream of happiness

At the end of the rainbow

Constantly chasing

That illusory pot of gold

I waited and waited

To find that experience

Which would fulfil me

And make my life worth

Then there were moments

When it all seemed right

In that moment

The world glowed bright

There was no waiting

I was here and now

And in those moments

I realized I was always HOME.